soooo…the holiday i was dreading was actually sort of nice…not all the time but most. I didnt really purge at all only in these last few days because i became so tense and agitated about what i was eating and not knowing exactly what was in the food…so i did pretty well.
I ate out every night apart from the last night when it all became too much and i sort of panicked whilst in an M&S and strated getting all scratchy and shiz…it was horrible…anyway i got through it saying i’d only eaten out 2 times in the last 2 years before going, it was a huge step…
it got me thinking about my future as we were looking round uni’s and it made me excited to think that could be me in a year but it also made me sad as i should have been going this year but my illness ruined that for me…i dunno it sort of made me realise how much anprexia is still a part of my life and how far i still have to go…it scares me to think of me in the bug wide world all alone…right now if i had to go i’m pretty sure i’d self destruct…Xxxx
